Noticing All Things Made New
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“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
So much of life pulls our attention outward. The phone, the room, someone’s face, their tone, what needs to happen next, whether they’re okay, whether we said the right thing, whether we’re being understood.
A lot of us get very good at this. We learn to read people, help people, care for people, keep the peace, be thoughtful, be useful. Some of that is beautiful.
But there can be a cost.
When Attention Only Flows Outward
There is an old phrase many of us know: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Somewhere along the way, I think many of us became very focused on the first half. Love them. Help them. Understand them. Make things better for them.
But “as yourself” assumes I’m actually in touch with myself too.
Otherwise, what looks like care for someone else can sometimes be my own discomfort trying to find relief. I fix because I feel anxious. I explain because I need to be understood. I give because I want connection. I stay because leaving feels uncomfortable. Or I walk away because staying does. Sometimes what looks like kindness can actually be fear—a kind of pusillanimous shrinking back, lacking the courage to stay present, be honest, or honor what is true within me.
None of those choices are automatically right or wrong. The point is that speaking, giving, staying, leaving, helping, or doing nothing are all better informed when I first know what is happening inside of me.
“Love Your Neighbor as Yourself Requires Awareness of Both.”
What is Happening in Me?
We can become so tuned in to everyone else that we barely notice what is happening within us. The tight chest. The shallow breath. The urge to explain. The pull to fix. The need to make things okay.
And often, the body gets there before the mind does.
That is what I am learning to notice. Not just, “What is happening with them?” but, “What is happening in me?”
One of the simplest ways I have found to come back to that is the breath. Nothing fancy. A slow breath in through the nose. A gentle exhale. Feeling the body. Giving myself a moment before moving.
Sometimes that small pause changes everything. I can notice the discomfort without immediately trying to get rid of it. I can let someone else have their reaction, and I can have mine. I can respect their experience without leaving my own.
And sometimes I realize there is actually nothing I need to do. No fixing. No convincing. No overexplaining. No chasing understanding.
Just breathe. Notice. Allow. Choose.
That does not make me less loving toward other people. I think it may actually make love cleaner — less driven by fear, less driven by reflex, less driven by the need for an outcome. More free. More present. More honest.
I am learning that being with someone does not require disappearing from myself.
I learned to see you. Now I’m learning not to lose sight of me while I do.
Maybe that is one way all things become new. The people around us may not change. The situation may not change. But the place we are responding from can. And that changes a lot.
Try It Right Now
Notice your breath.
You do not have to change it at first. Just notice it.
Then take one slow breath in through your nose.
Let the exhale be a little longer.
Feel your body.
Your chest, your shoulders, your stomach.
Take another.
Then ask yourself: What am I noticing right now?
That small moment of awareness may be enough to change what happens next.
Love your neighbor as yourself requires awareness of both.
Notice. Breathe. Choose.
Let love lead with an open heart.
Josh Neuer is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Greenville, SC.
Josh’s Life’s Work is to Make Room for Hope and Healing. Josh is Passionate about Empowering Meaningful Change in People with Counseling, Coaching and Consulting.
He is the founder of Joshua Neuer, LLC, a committed husband and father, and is absolutely crazy about relationships!
Josh Neuer, Licensed Professional Counselor, Coach and Consultant
Founder, Joshua Neuer, LLC Counseling
Josh@JoshNeuer.com
Visit JoshNeuer.com
Live Freely, Inspire Others.
Let Love lead with an open heart.